As, as I’ve safely got another hour of Tuesday left (even though it’s only 10PM, but with the recession and everything, you just can’t tell with time anymore), I thought I’d become a part of the ‘Random Tuesday Thoughts’ gang.  So, feel free to look around.  ‘cuz, you know, these are the contents of my head!

So, let’s get this ball a rollin’!

Headphone disasters galore!  And it’s not fun to watch, I tell ya.  Want the back-story?  Of course you do!

So, a while ago my headset, in its delicious glory, decided that the wire connected to the base of the left can was going to spontaneously degrade and break-off.  You know, ‘cuz that’s what headsets do these days.  So, while watching this film called… uhh… ‘Wanted’.  You know, the one where Angelina Jolie is all like, “Curve the bullet!  Do it or I die and the film ends,” and he’s all like, “But I can’t.  No, wait, if I run and flail my arms, I can!”.  That one.  And so, I was watching this scene with this cow-ass boss having a rant at the main character and then, BAM, the sound muffles.

And there’s me thinking that it’s deliberate.  Like, you know, as if the film editors decided that we needed to have some muffling goin’ on all of a sudden.  As if suddenly a piracy-is-evil advert was coming up that had been conveniently snuck into the middle of the film.  Something like:

“Hate this muffled noise?  This is what happens if you get a pirated version of this film.

You wouldn’t muffle your own TV, would you muffle your cinema?  Of course not.  Say No to Piracy.”

Or something equally as ignorable.

But alas, it was my headset.  It had taken the first plunge into what quickly became my battle with trying to fix the connector wire in a working position.  You know, fixed in place so I could actually get some real sound from it.  Instead of “ffrrffffgrrrfffflmrobfff”.  And that fixing-up worked.  Until, you know, three days ago.

There I was, filled with teenagery excitement as my dear, international friend Chris and I were gonna skype it (something we used to do endlessly but stopped because he became a workaholic and I became internet-shy).  I was all like, “My headset is bust, but I can get it to work!”.  And I did.

And then after those five glorious minutes, it died.

And then Chris logged into skype.

Luckily, though, my amazon.co.uk powers got me straight onto the great marketplace that is.  With swift speed at my heel I purchased this beautiful headset.

The days past.  Today arrived.  I wrote ‘check delivery status’ on my to-do list.  Moments later there was a knock at the door.  I wanted for someone else to get it (I have a fear of delivery men.  No, seriously).  The door was opened, some uncomfortable conversation occurred and then I heard the door clatter shut again.  My brother came through and said, “Hey Matt, there’s a package for you.”

I smiled and quickly snatched it from his paws.  I settled back into my seat, ripped open the top and pulled out my new, shiny headset.

WOW! I mean look a… wait, WTF?!  I didn’t order these!

The universe froze for a half a second while I quickly went over what the hell just happened.

And then, like a tsunami-of-a-wave, it crashed down on me.

I’d forgotten that I needed a MICROPHONE with my headset and changed my order without any conscious thought.  Without even realising.

My face got hot.  My head filled with angst.  Thoughts began to spin as I ran over returns policies and if I should get them out of the box and if this meant that I really was stupid after all.

And then the second wave hit.

I bought it from an independent seller.  I frantically mashed my keyboard until firefox brought up Amazon.  I punched my details in and scrambled over to my tracking area.

No, I don’t want to send the seller an e-mail.  No, I don’t want to leave feedback.  No, I don’t want to look at my recommendations.  Later, Amazon, later.

Returns policy.  Okay, got it.  Load faster.  Load faster. Okay.  Okay. Let’s see…

No returns policy was listed.

—-

But, you know, even though my purchasing FAIL occurred, the disaster hadn’t even begun.  You see, I decided that I may as well try the headset to hear if it’s any good (I mean, apparently Sennheiser audio tech is pretty good).  I put the very small headset on after battling getting it out of its ‘carry case’.   What shocked me, for being such ‘good audio tech’ the frame and cans seemed ridiculously delicate.  Like if I were to look at them they’d explode or melt or jump out of a window and hit a bird at the same time and then dissolve into dust.

So, I carefully popped them on my ears, loaded Windows Media Player and prepared for little audio-quality change compared to my previous headset.  I mean, my previous headset was the shit.  It had this cool little stick-mic thing and fitted snugly — but not too snugly — on my ears.  The audio was just right.  The wire was thick and strong.  Well, thick at every point apart from where it connected at the base of the cans.  But, still, it was my special headset.

I clicked on ‘Waltz from Sleeping Beauty’ (I’ve been a bit obsessed with popular classical music recently).  It was alright.  I shrugged and felt a bit cheated that I’d paid for amazing-quality when it was just-the-same-as-before-quality.

Thinking it might be the song, I clicked on ‘Bugie Wugie Bugle Boy’.

I suddenly turned around, thinking someone was behind me tapping their foot on some soft surface.  Then I suddenly orgasmed in my underwear.

The bass!  THE BASS!  The soft, luxurious, perfectly perfect bass!  The bass of GODS!

But, wait!  This is the headset of bass-orgasmnuss that I don’t want.

Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

—-

So what’s a boy to do?  See if I can return these and buy a headset with a mic that probably won’t have a bass-level that can induce orgasms?  Or keep this one and buy some cruddy microphone?

Decisions decisions.

But at least, for the time being, I can enjoy the most perfectly perfect bass in the world.

Oh, and not having the feeling that my brain is being scratched by listening to the song ‘Colours’ by Utada Hikaru.  Want to see what I mean?  Click below.

Happy Tuesday!