I don’t believe in coincidences. Not in a super-spiritual, esoteric way… I just don’t believe in coincidences. I think that the world is far, FAR too complex for us to understand the way things work completely. Like V said in V for Vendetta, there are no coincidences, just the illusion of coincidences (or something to that effect). I’m inclined to agree.
The thing is, I believe that life — via some universal spirit/world/life ‘thing’ — will try and teach you lessons as you go along in life. And it’ll try and get your attention by showing you something time and time again or through many things converging all at once.
The latter of those two has recently happened to me.
If you’ve been following my blog for a few months you will remember back in September when I was worried about what to study at university. After assessing your opinions and my thought, I made the sound decision to study English, not Japanese.
Recently, with lots of things suddenly walking into the kingdom of my life, I can’t help but wonder if I chose wrongly.
First I stumbled on an album by my favourite J-Pop singer, Hikky, and HAD to get it. And then I got Ping.FM on Rhythmbox (my lappy’s media player) and suddenly lots of Japanese singers were being saved into my favourites. Nothing too fate-istic, I agree.
Until about a week ago.
It started with food. I suddenly had a desire for miso and udon — and to cook them together. And I finally started to use that jar of unpasteurized miso in the cupboard. It wasn’t long before I was up to my eyeballs in miso-y broth.
And then films… Just before Christmas, in my Spanish lessons, we watched Pan’s Labyrinth. Pan’s Labyrinth being distributed by Optimum Releasing in the UK. Optimum Releasing which, would you believe, distributes the 6 Japanese movies my English teacher gave me on Thursday after he randomly had his copy of Spirited Away on a windowsill. Spirited Away being my favourite movie (ever.).
But that’s not much, right? It’s just a bit of music, food cravings, watching large amounts of Japanese films and a distributor link. And something Japanese-y appearing in search results on Frostwire which never usually appear.
And the fact that a few days ago I decided (before I had realized all of these tiny ‘coincidences’) to re-learn hiragana.
And that I’ve been watching Boston Legal over the internet and, what a surprise, a story arc started to do with an asian person in the past couple of days.
So Music, TV, Film, Frostwire, Food, UK Film Distributors and Impulse Learning Desires.
“Hmm…” is an understatement.
And so even though I made this decision to study English at university, and I’ve started to get responses from universities for conditional offers, I still can’t help but feel like a big bad fraud.
It’s a head vs. heart case, and the internal judge of me can’t work out which one should get the favorable ruling, especially with all these sudden influences appearing in my life.
I don’t believe that I’m seeing all of these things right now, just as the application-for-university deadline has passed, by chance. Nor am I going to ignore these feelings I have that Japanese-orientated things, without fail, evoke in me.
I won’t deny how I feel and I won’t deny these signs. I’m glad that universities allow students to change degrees when they start out. Though, that does assume I’m going to get in. D:
I don’t understand the path I’m walking upon, but I know that it’s meant for me. Japanese or not, something invisible is moving through my life right now. And you know what?
I ain’t gonna stop it.
