This week Girl Talk Thursday is all about bitching and letting off steam. Yes, I’m a guy. Yes, I’m allowed. I saved the tweet that the creator @replied me when I asked her. Possibly.
No beating around the bush in this post:
1.Seriously, Spanish teachers, I GET that you have to teach me a subject, but the fact that I haven’t given in homework to you for the past month is because: A) I’ve had EPIC amounts of coursework to do. As in, you know, that stuff that gets sent a couple of weeks after I give it in and then adds to my OVERALL grade. B) I’m sure languages are great, but I’m getting SICK and TIRED of trying only to get things wrong, to get splotches of support I could find on the internets when we have FOUR people in the class and to receive seemingly-cursory grades without you spending time to tell me where I fucked up without making me feel like dog shit. And, as a result, STOP SENDING MY TUTOR SANCTIONS BECAUSE I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT WORK TO DO.
2. Board of governers at my school? I do not care to be on your board. I did not choose to be on your board. Your meetings are long, seemingly endless and make me want to bore my brains out with a bratz doll. I understand that you have to leave all rocks turned with your administrative duties, but ultimately I AM NOT INTERESTED IN THIS. I do NOT want to do presentations on vertical tutoring or the college system at school. It sucks. That’s it.
3. Fuck you, work.
4. I am seriously starting to hate getting up before, you know, 10AM. I’m a real night person and honestly? I much, MUCH prefer to tap my fingers until 2:30am than I enjoy getting up at 7:30am and then rushing around to suck the fat into clothes so that I can impress people with flab-sucked-in awesomeness.
5. No, hija de puta, I have NOT burned something onto your pan that you could replace for £12. This is 2010, not 1935. Even if I DID burn something onto the pan, it’s not going to UBER STICK FOREVER or DESTROY THE PAN FOREVER AND EVER. Stop being a douche about the fact that your youngest son can cook. Or would you prefer I smoke tobacco, pot and drink gushes of alocohol whilst going to the doctor about an STI? You know, like most guys my age? Oh wait. No. You wouldn’t. So STFU or I’ll push you down the stairs again.
6. And also, puta madre, no, I’m NOT going to eat it all tonight. If you make it in a big batch it saves time and money. But you’d know that already, right?
7. Yes, back of my mind, I get that you want me to engage in some hot, passionate and steamy sex with some hot, passionate and steamy guy. When you find someone that goes for hot, passionate guy-on-guy sex, call me and I’ll actually HAVE hot, passionate and steamy sex. Otherwise, keep your crazy man-urges to the edges of my awareness or I’ll chop it off and then you’ll be sorry.
8. Yes, Last.fm, I know that there are only about 30 songs you can POSSIBLY play to me, regardless of the amount of artists I favourite. However, could you at least try and switch them up a bit? Just because I like them doesn’t mean I want to listen to the same 5 again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.
9. How in ninjas has no one seen Kittens inspired by Kittens, Star Wars explained by a 3-year-old or Auto-Tune the News? That’s like saying you’ve never heard of porn.
10. I’d like to lose weight. Like, NOW. ARGH. I’m not overweight or anything, but I’m slowly noticing encroaching weight gain and it’s NOT cool. Not at ALL. And yes, I will buddy up with you to lose weight. Seriously.
The sad thing is that I’ve not yet even started properly. But I can’t stop. I have Spanish homework. For tomorrow.
Wikipedia game, anyone?
